


I Definitely Don’t Know What I’m Doing – But It’s Ok

by Ice20



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, KimixSeb, M/M, simi - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-04
Updated: 2013-06-04
Packaged: 2017-12-13 23:52:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/830283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ice20/pseuds/Ice20
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I don’t really know what I’m doing” Sequel – can also be read as a stand-alone, though.<br/>After Abu Dhabi GP – pre USA GP 2012</p><p>A week passed since Jenni left, and it was a difficult one for Kimi. Until this night...</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Definitely Don’t Know What I’m Doing – But It’s Ok

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everybody!! This fanfic is a sequel to "I don't really know what I'm doing", but surely it can also be read as a stand-alone. I really hope you'll enjoy it.  
> This story is a product of my immagination (even though you'll notice some hints to facts that really happened).  
> Since I'm not a native English speaker, please forgive me for any mistakes.  
> Bye bye :)

It’s a sunny Monday afternoon in Switzerland, and you’re training quietly. You already had your outdoor exercises this morning with Mark; now, after a short lunch, you’re in your own gym again, by yourself, sweating and breathless. You ran for an hour and a half and are already feeling tired. Mark isn’t too pleased, your physical conditions have worsened lately and even you can clearly notice it. But he’s not here right now; he’ll come to your house in one hour to help you with the last exercises and then massage you, trying to relax your tired muscles.

It’s like since Jenni decided to move, exactly seven days ago, a part of your energy extinguished. These were awful seven days. You stayed at Sebastian’s two nights, then came back home with Mark and practically tried to face every single day keeping yourself as much busy as possible, avoiding the dark and sad thoughts. You ignored two calls from your mum – who surely wanted to make sure you’re ok and maybe even try to convince you and your soon-to-be-ex wife to give your marriage a last chance – and another one from Jenni. 

Two days ago her lawyer brought you the divorce papers. It was Saturday, at 3 o’clock pm and you were training outdoor when the bell rang and Peppi started to bark in front of the door. A short woman with dark hair and white glasses was waiting for you, a briefcase bag in one hand and some documents in the other. Mark was there while you signed the papers without even reading, and he pretended not to see how much your hand was shaking. Obviously he understood you wouldn’t have been able to continue your exercises, so he left about half an hour later – _making sure you didn’t have any bottle of vodka on the kitchen shelf_ – and made you promise to stay strong.

You shake your head, clearing your mind and forcing yourself to stop thinking so much and reliving those bad memories. You start running ‘till your muscles are screaming and you’re too sore to even try to think about anything, and when Mark arrives your t-shirt is stuck on your back and soaked with sweat. He seems to be sadistically satisfied to see you like this. An hour later you’re lying on the massage table and feeling that your muscles, screaming in pain, are finally relaxing. Mark really has golden hands! You feel quite relaxed now; your legs and back aren’t aching anymore – not so much, at least.

You have a beer with Mark and listen to his funny jokes – _he really has that strange English sense of humor you can’t totally comprehend_ – then after he says you byebye, you have a quick shower and cook yourself a fast dinner. You eat it in front of the tv, watching the news without really listening to it. On the screen appear images of an hospital burning and people screaming in pain and desperation, but you’re not really paying attention to what you see. You don’t even finish your dinner – you’re not hungry anymore. You quickly wash the dishes, then switch on your pc and surf the net for about an hour, bored to death. Well, at least you notice that nobody has written anything about you and Jenni and your divorce, yet.

You’re quite surprised, really. 

You know that, once journalists will discover what happened between you and her, they’ll start a lot of rumors and gossip, and you’ll be on the first page of every fucking tabloid – especially English and Finnish ones. And they will come in Baar, looking for you or your wife or whoever will be prone enough to speak with them about your relatioship. _Oh, fuck it_ . You don’t really care about them, about what other people might think. Your divorce is none of their business.

You shake your head again and close the pc. You’re bored, tired but not enough to sleep, and this is the moment you fear the most in the whole day: when you have nothing to do, nothing to think about and focus your mind on, no more trainings nor exercises. This is when your mind decides to wander uncontrollably.

_And you can’t do anything to stop it._

You decide to go for a quick walk. Maybe it will help you keep yourself busy for some minutes, and it might even make you tired enough to sleep for a good twelve hours. You take your coat and a hat – not your beloved sunglasses, ‘cause it’s night and you don’t need ‘em. Not here, in this little Swiss town, where nobody really seems to care about you and what you do with your life and your free time. That’s exactly one of the many reasons why you chose this place to live. One, among many others. You like it here because of the place itself. It’s quiet and not too big, but neither too small, and you’ve always loved the countryside, more than the big cities.

Tonight the air is fresh and you enjoy the light breeze that ruffles your hair. You can see the lake from the street and the dark outline of the mountains. It’s not too cold, even if it’s a mid-November night.

You suddenly stop.

What are you doing in front of Sebastian’s house? He lives on the opposite side of the town. You walked all the way up to here? You didn’t even notice it! And what time is it? You must have walked for an hour or so. 

You’re quite surprised, really.

_Well, ok, and so?_

You stay still for a moment or two in front of the gate, reflecting on what to do. You could ring the doorbell and stay for a drink. Or you could silently come back home, ‘cause nobody invited you here and it’s way too late for a surprise appearance. You decide for the last one and turn and start to walk back to your place, when a light goes on in the house and somebody opens the door and calls your name from the porch.

\- Kimi? –

You sigh and turn.

\- Hi, Sebastian –

\- Hi. What are you doing here? –

\- Having a walk –

He seems surprised.

\- In the middle of the night? –

\- Not tired enough to sleep yet –

He face-palms and you feel very stupid.

\- And so you decided to walk from your place to the other side of the town? –

You nod. You didn’t really decide it, but he doesn’t need to know it, does he?

\- You must be thirsty then –

And you are, really. You nod again.

\- Come on, get in – 

You hear a soft ‘click’ and the gate is open.

You come in and walk to the front door where he’s waiting for you.

\- You want some water? Orange juice? German beer? We’ve got the best ones, you know? –

\- Yes. I know. You always tell me this –

\- Because it is true! They really are the best! I’m proud of my German beers –

\- Yeah, I can see it. So I am, of my Finnish vodka, you know? –

This makes him burst out laughing. You scratch your temple and look at him a little perplexed. You didn’t seem to have made any joke that could justify the sudden burst of laughter that followed your words. You shrug your shoulders and let him laugh and then recompose himself. He’s still smiling when he hands you your beer. You open it and take a big sip; you really were thirsty, after all. Sebastian’s looking at you, drinking some beer himself. He sits on his sofa, and you join him. You both sip your drinks for a few moments, enjoying the silence in the room. 

Then he breaks it.

\- So? –

\- So –

\- How are you, Kimi? –

\- Fine. You? –

He sighs. He knows you far too well to get fooled like this, and even you can understand it.

\- Don’t give me the “fine thing”, Kimi. Not to me. Please –

You nod. He’s right, he deserves the truth, or at least he deserves you to be honest with him.

\- So, how are you? Truly, I mean –

\- Upset. Little bit confused, maybe –

He nods. He’s satisfied with your answer.

\- Yeah, I can understand it. It was quite a surprise, wasn’t it? Jenni leaving, I mean –

\- Not really. You know things weren’t exactly perfect between the two of us –

\- So? Why are you so upset, then? –

\- Because I didn’t expect it to happen right now –

\- Now that you’re having a good time in F1? –

\- Now that I’m feeling well. Like my old self –

He looks at you like he can’t fully understand what you mean. Well, he doesn’t know how bad last year was for you, and you’re not here to tell him – to tell anyone. 

_You don’t want to talk about this._

You try and change the subject of the conversation.

\- And how are you, Sebastian? –

\- Good. Really. Having trouble sleeping, lately –

Well, this is quite a surprise. He’s never had this kind of problems before; or at least you didn’t know about them. Yes, you’re the one who could easily sleep a whole day straight, especially after a party or simply when you’ve got nothing important to do, but Sebastian also loves sleeping a lot. Ok, he doesn’t usually take a nap in the car, just before the race like you do, but he also isn’t the kind of guy that suffers from insomnia, isn’t he?

\- What’s the matter? –

\- There’s some strange guy keeping me awake –

_What the fuck…?!_

\- What?! Who? –

\- Some kind of stalker, maybe. Or, probably, a troublemaker. Yep, definitely last one –

Your mouth drops open. This might be a serious problem, and he’s talking about it like it doesn’t really matter. You look at him like is crazy – or stupid. You feel worried.

\- This person bothering you? –

\- Yes, a lot. Especially when he is sitting on my sofa, sipping my beer and looking at me worried like I’m some sort of precious thing to protect from the big hard world! –

He burst into a laughter again, pointing you with a finger.

_Fucking Sebastian, he was making fun of you!_

You can’t help but grab a pillow and pull it on his face as hard as you can. He’s laughing so much he doesn’t even notice it coming and the pillow hits him precisely on his nose. He’s taken by surprise and stops laughing, but looks at you with his big green eyes wide and his mouth half open. He looks quite foolish to be honest. It’s your turn to laugh now. And while you’re holding your belly with your hands, a pillow hits you in the head.

You stop giggling, and silence descends in the room.

You look at each other, nobody makes a noise.

Then another pillow hit you on your shoulder.

_You want war, Sebastian? You got it!_

The two of you start a big pillow fight, and after some minutes his living room is a completely mess, pillows are everywhere, one of your bottles of beer has been broken and the liquid has soaked the white carpet which now looks a little yellow.

You don’t fully realize that you’re lying on your back trying to protect your face with your arms while Sebastian is sitting on your belly hitting you with the last pillow left, until he stops and the room is quiet, except for your heavy breaths – which are due not only to the pillow fight.

He lets the last pillow fall on the floor and looks at you in the eyes. Last time he did this, you were also lying on a sofa, yours, at your place; it was after Jenni had left and you had drunk a lot of vodka and were feeling like a shit, your eyes were red and full with tears. His green ones sadly looked at you, you could see the sadness and the concern in them. Now your eyes aren’t wet from tears anymore, and his ones aren’t sorry anymore, but full of joy and excitement and something else you can also feel – _lust._

You can feel his erection pressing on your leg and a hint of a smile has appeared on your face, noticing his embarrassment and the red flush on his cheeks.

_This makes him appear so young and innocent._

You can’t refrain yourself from giggling softly, then you grab him and press his body against yours, feeling the sensations of the warm skin of his neck against your one. You lay still for some minutes, then exchange a slow kiss, exploring each other’s lips, tasting them, then another kiss, more frantic then the first, and another one and another one again.

You’re rubbing against each other faster and faster, your hands exploring his chest, his ones caressing your nipples under your white t-shirt. You find pleasure for your hard erections hitting against each other through your far too tight pants, until you can feel him shaking against you, his breath hot on your skin and broken from pleasure, and then after that you completely lose control of your mind. You close your eyes and enjoy the amazing sensation of the orgasm coming and you are finally able to open your eyes again only after your orgasm is finished.

_God, this was fucking good…_

You exchange another kiss, then the both of you smile. You feel exhausted and unbelievably happy – more than you’ve felt in the last week. This was really amazing, you feel so well…

He lays down close to you on the sofa, his arm lazily resting on your belly while he plays with your hair with his other hand. You don’t really know that to do right now, so you stay still.

\- You made me come in my pants, Sebastian –

_Ok, this was really a stupid thing to say. Couldn’t you just keep your fucking mouth closed? You should be good at that after all!_

He looks at you, a smile in his eyes.

\- Yes, I know. You have had the same good effect on me, Kimi –

\- But you’re not the one that has to walk home in his wet sticky pants now –

Your words make him laugh hard, and you soon join him.

_Well, this actually is an awkward situation._

\- You don’t have to go home, you know? You could always stay here with me – he says.

You embrace him and hold him close to you, a smile on your face.

And you think you’re going to accept his invitation.

**Author's Note:**

> You're always welcomed on my tumblr: [IceDrifter](http://www.icedrifter.tumblr.com)


End file.
